I got a call from the Principal at the local Elementary School. Would I please see her regarding my eldest son? Uh-oh. My eldest is in 3rd grade and a good student. What trouble did he get in to? Arson? Pitching pennies? Saying a bad word? Drugs? With my intestines gurgling off I went to see her.

Fighting. My eldest son - gentle, sweet kid - was busted for fighting. Apparently he ran across the playground and accosted another kid, a known bully. Despite the other kids reputation, the attack was unprovoked. The Principal called my kid in from class for an explanation. He came sheepishly in, saw me and frowned.

"Well," I said, "explain yourself."

He took a deep breath and said:

"I had to beat him up. He had been picking on me all week, calling me names. When I saw him on the playground he was picking up rocks and I knew he was going to throw them at me. I went over and challenged him. He lied to me and said he didn't have any rocks but I saw him pick up rocks..."

"From across the playground?" I asked.

"He was bent over getting rocks," said my kid.

"Could he have been doing something else, like tieing his shoe?" I asked.

"Maybe, but he's such a liar. He had rocks. I know it!" said my kid.

"Continue please," prompted the Principal.

"Like I said I knew he had rocks and I knew that if he had rocks he would throw them at me and hurt me so I attacked him first. That's it." concluded my kid.

"The other kid didn't have any rocks on him," clarified the Principal. She stood up and said:

"We can't have violence - provoked or otherwise - in our schools. It only leads to more violence. What your kid did was wrong. He attacked someone under false pretenses..."

"I thought he had rocks..." protested my kid.

"You thought wrong. However, you did remove a known bully from the playground. However other bullies are now jockeying to fill the void. You've made the playground less safe and you've set a dangerous precendent. Now any kid who thinks he may be victimized may strike out at someone they perceive as a threat whether real or not. Worse, as Principal, you've made my job as school overseer that much harder." She sat back down with a sigh.

"What's the punishment?" I asked, "Suspension, detention...?"

"No," said the Principal, "because his actions directly followed the example set by President Bush, I have to give him this Commendation of Merit for being a Patriotic American."

And with that she gave him a big blue ribbon. We left the office with my kid grinning proudly, walking a tad straighter and firmer. And, as for me, my intestines kept on gurgling.