I think I've figured out why I dislike Bush so much. It's not just that he's a shifty-eyed, smirking, weasel-faced lier or that's he's trying to be something he's not (namely an elected President), it's that he's missing a true sidekick. Bush needs someone in the spotlight with him to enhance his image but not be the star. Someone who makes Bush look more like the Cowboy George hero image he's trying to project. Face it, Dick Cheney just doesn't cut it as his sidekick and cohort in arms. Cheney is too much like Sidney Greenstreet, a quiet threat sitting in the shadows of a smoky Moroccan cafe, while pondering his next move. Bush deserves better.

And so I've taken it upon myself to prepare the following list of candidates. The winner to be appointed as official sidekick to Cowboy George.

Now many of you will complain that many of these candidates are dead or fictitious. Yes, that is so, and that makes them even more appropriate for the job. They mirror the intellect and position of Cowboy George. And so without ado...

Walter Brennan - The limp, the shoulders, the look, the legend. The problem with Walter as the sidekick is that he could easily overshadow the main star. But a better rummy sidekick could not be found.

"Are we gonna invade, George, huh? Are we?"

"Now, Dingo, have you been hitting the sauce again? Nipping at my private stash?"

"Jus' a little t'get me through the mornin'. You know how it is..."

"Yes, I know. And, yes, Dingo we're going to invade!"

"Great! That calls fer a celebration, don't it? Jus' a little...?"

"Sure, Dingo, go ahead...that Dingo...!"

Slim Pickens - A true cowboy's sidekick. Slim would add a certain credence to Cowboy George as a real cowboy. Plus Slim's ability to ride herd on a nuclear warhead is unmatched by the other candidates.

Porky Pig - His credits as a sidekick to Hopalong Daffy are impecc..impecc..sterling. More importantly he's the only sidekick candidate with worse speaking abilities than Cowboy George. By comparison Cowboy George will sound like a Shakespearean actor.

"We will...display...to the world...the justice...that Hussein...denied...to so...many people."

"You tell them, Pres..Pres..Pres..you tell them Cowboy George!"

Mongo - He'll work for beans. Mongo's proclivity for gas mirrors Cowboy George's proclivity for oil. However Mongo's intellect may prove threatening to Cowboy George.

And still many more worthy candidates: "Gabby" Hayes, Pat Buttram, "Smiley" Burnette, "Pappy" Lynn to name a few. Feel free to submit your own choices.

Whomever gets the coveted position of sidekick to Cowboy George will find an acting challenge and a new world open to conquest. Yee-haw!